Welcome to the wonderful world of
Mr. Alexander.
Chapter One of the first book in the "Moose, Nancy-Sue & The Weasel" series of teen books
Why is the room always
Colder than the bed??
It was going to be another one of those days. There was already an accelerating disturbance echoing through the bedroom wall from the kitchen at the other end of the house. It was the same disturbance as yesterday, and probably the same one as tomorrow. Little irate voices were being raised to the predictable impending din by Nancy-Sue and the The Weasel... Moose tried to listen through the wall to find out what todays fight was about. Something about who would get to read the back of the cereal box first... That meant the usual tussle over the box, and a probable... no, almost certain, mess of milk and cheerios scattered about the table and the carpet underneath it.
"Maybe just another twenty minutes before I get up, " thought Moose... "maybe someone else will get up by then and quiet everything down... Leastwise, if I stay here I can't get blamed for the mess." It was a good and reasonable strategy for Moose... Ever since she had been barred from taken her long and luxurious morning bathe she had had to deliberately skulk around under the covers until the last possible moment before prying her bulk from under the bedclothes and waddling half dressed into the kitchen. She slid back down into the comforting darkness. At least the bed was dry this morning. Kicking Nancy-Sue out towards the bathroom at three thirty am when the alarm went off made for a much more pleasant awakening these days... As she comforted herself with the luxury of a warm dry bed there was a bang on the open door. "C'mon Moose, rise and shine..."
"Damn, " she thought to herself... "now I have to get up. Why couldn't mom have been the one to wake up first... Big Tony will make me actually move... And quickly too." She stuck her head out into the air and light... "ok, Big Tony" and she slid one massive leg out onto the floor.
She's always been "Moose"... ever since she was a child and the doctors had caught a glimpse of her feet.. She was big and gaunt and roomy now, sixteen years old and big in every direction, from the toes up and from her butt forward. On sunny days, in the flatlands of the middle southwest, she was sometimes the best shade around. But she had the grace of a collapsing stepladder, all legs and gangly and uncontrolled disaster looking for someplace to happen.
At least now, for once, there was some value to her size. She drove Nancy-Sue crazy... Nancy-Sue with her barely developed figure which hadn't seemed to make much progress over the last few months since she had turned eleven. That was one cruel schoolgirl myth exploded.. Someone had told her last year that once she turned eleven she'd get .... "development", - something up there besides shoulders and limp straight dishwaterblonde hair. The morning she turned eleven, poor Nancy-Sue sprang out of bed and stood profile in front of the mirror.. Her shadow on the opposite wall showed not a ripple.. Not so much as a wave from perpendicular. The anguished scream woke the entire family from it's slumbers. Once again the famous Nancy-Sue signature phrase echoed through the sleepy household... "It's just not fair..." she wailed..."It"s just not fair.." Life became a nightmare for the shattered eleven year old from that day forward... Every morning and each evening she was confronted with the Moose... huge developed Moose... taking up almost the entire room, or so it seemed with more chest than any ten people would ever need.
Moose's size drove The Weasel crazy as well but for entirely different reasons. The Weasel was just too damn small, what they used to call puny or wiry depending on whether they were being kind or cruel.. But it all meant the same thing.. Small. He was short and skinny for his age, well actually for almost any age. And he had a tendency towards a babyish face which didn't help matters much. He had a heart as big as all outdoors but we never could figure out where he kept it cause it sure as heck wouldn't have fit in that chest of his. He brought a smile to everyone's face... But particularly to the Moose. He was her little brother, far enough away in age to be unthreatening and old enough to be able to relate to. And he was basically kind and nice and did lots of unselfish things although often completely by accident. Nancy-Sue, on the other hand, didn't have a thoughtful bone in her angular pudgy body... Everything was a scam with Nancy-Sue.. Always out for number one. She honestly considered herself to be kind and considerate and loyal and trustworthy but truth be told, she'd sell anything she could get her hands on if she needed the money without much thought to the owners or the consequences. And she spent much of her time dreaming up schemes to get The Weasel in trouble, or at least blamed for whatever she had done wrong. And poor gullible The Weasel fell for it every time... Every single darned time. Life was good for Nancy-Sue for many a year until Big Tony showed up. He didn't miss much, and he didn't trust Nancy-Sue as far as he could throw the Moose. And she was determined to get around him somehow... I mean she had to admit that he was actually fair to all of them, but he had made it a particular point to actually check out whatever pack of fibs and gibberish she fed to the family, and he always questioned it... wanted to have it make sense... And even insisted on actually going to her school and talking to her teachers...What a horror. Luckily she still managed to pull the occasional ruse with success, but she was never really sure if he actually bought it, or if he was just saving it up to dump on her later.
Moose found it real amusing that someone was actually beginning to call Nancy-Sue on her stuff... It had gone on for years, just because she got better grades than her brother and sister... People left her alone, and tended to actually believe whatever ridiculous scams she came up with. Moose fell for lots of them her ownself, until she got a little more wise. Years of vanishing clothes and toys from the shared bedroom had made Moose very wary of Nancy-Sue's ways and habits. Still and all, it was a relatively happy little family with no more foibles than the average twentieth century dysfunctional group. And everyone was more or less happy with the balance of powers and drudgery. Or at least it seemed that way, on the surface, until the snake came._
Before the snake.. hhere was peace in the house. But on this lovely late autumn morning, there wasn't even the beginnings of a glimmer of the possibility of an idea about a snake... And so Moose didn't worry about any reptiles at all as her other massive foot slid out of the bed and onto the floor. She padded like some huge sleepy bear, down the hallway to the bathroom, wishing she could just climb on into the shower, like in the old days... stand and let the warm water cascade over her until the sleep was gone from her eyes and her mind... And maybe, just maybe, if she drenched herself long enough, the kitchen battles would be over, and she could amble out there herself and forage for food. She could hear Big Tony as he grumbled and muttered at her siblings. She didn't hear any shouting or crying so it must be a pretty good morning and Big Tony must have had a good night's sleep. She liked these mornings.. Life was always so much harder for her if the grown ups were angry at the little ones, because once the school bell rang the two smaller children were gone and Moose, who had been home-schooled for almost two months by now, would be left to have to deal with two angry adults. She finished her morning routine and shook her cropped hair into place. She hadn't wanted it this short, but once it was cut it seemed like it had been like that for ever. The dark days, when the hair hung over her face like some bushy shroud were all behind her now...Her heart was more peaceful, the demons were left way behind her and they would never ever return. Quickly she dressed.. Loose and comfortable... And made her way into the kitchen. En route, she almost banged face first into Big Tony as he headed into the bedroom with mom's first mug of coffee for the day. He managed to squeeze by her in the narrow hallway, only because they were both big in different places. The kitchen was quiet Nancy-Sue and The Weasel were eating in that disgusting open-mouthed, slurping and shoveling sort of way that all kids seem to have, until they learn how to hit their mouths with the spoons. Cereal was all over the table, scattered around on the floor and swimming in little lost pools of forgotten milk on the counter-top. Nancy-Sue was wearing one of Moose's sweaters again.. Looking like a crumb in a blanket. Moose started to tell her to take it off, but there was already the telltale trail of milk and cereal all over the front of it, and she changed her mind. As long as she remembered to make sure that the little snivel didn't try to sneak it back into Moose's dresser drawer without washing it first.. who the heck cared..?? Within minutes they were both gone..Off to school, The Weasel skipping and hopping his merry peter cottontail way down the block, and Nancy-Sue off to spread gossip, lies and opinions delivered as true facts to anyone at the bus stop that was foolish enough to listen. Moose had milk and toast, and chewed on her nails as she waited for the rest of the family to move into the morning routine..But no-one came out of the bedroom and so, when she had finished eating, she slid easily onto the chair behind her desk and reached down to the drawer where she kept her schoolwork. She remembered then, that no-one had fed the dog, or even let her out into the back yard and so she got back up and slid back the patio door. Tippy ran out, grateful for the bathroom break, and Moose went to the kitchen where the dog bowls lay empty on the floor. She picked up and filled the water bowl, and set it back down. There was still no sound or movement coming from the bedroom so she decided to sneak out into the backyard for a few minutes... and delay school .After all, fresh air was good for everyone, right? It was beautiful out there...Cool and sunny with little fluffy clouds overhead, just like in the nursery rhyme books that she had read by pictures as a child. Morning air was quiet in this small Oklahoma town. The children were already under the watchful eyes of their teachers and there was no-one outside except Moose, Tippy and the squirrels which lived to tease her precious puppy dog. They would run across the yard, just a few feet from the dog, who would run after them, time and time again.. never getting any closer than the time before. It was a game that never got boring either to the dog or to the squirrels, or even to the Moose who liked nothing better than to watch animals at play. She could get lost for hours watching critters enjoy themselves... If she'd been smaller she'd probably have picked up "Ellie Mae Clampett" as a nickname, but Moose it had always been and likely it would stay that way. She called tippy to her and went reluctantly back inside. The sound of the dog lapping up huge amounts of cold water followed Moose into the garage where the bag of dry food was kept. It was dark in there, but she knew by heart where the bag was, and she stuck her hand down inside it to find the scoop. Nancy-Sue had fed the dog last night, and once again had pushed the cup all the way down into the food, just to be ornery. Finally her fingers scraped the base of the plastic cup and pulled it to the surface of the food. Moose turned the cup in her hand and dug it back down into the kibble. It was at this point that the small black mouse inside the bag chose to awaken the remainder of the sleeping township by running, fast as a flash, all the way up Moose's arm and across her shoulder, and onto the very top of her head. The mouse made no sound at all.... The Moose scream opened garage doors and set off car alarms for miles around.
If you found any of these pieces educational or at least amusing, drop a note of encouragement to
and maybe more such pieces will appear....
and
Remember to hug your Kids
To return to the Mr. Alexander main page
| This Inner Zine site is owned by Mr. Alexander. Want to join the Inner Zine? |
|---|