Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)

They're suspicious and cynical, so they make good cops and bad wives...

and one of them is increasingly likely to cause trouble in your life...

just let 'em do it, it's easier than fighting them and you can never win anyway.


Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)

The use of the archer as the icon for saggies is double edged in that they do indeed tend to be focused and direct to the point, yet abandon projects quickly upon either completion or failure.

They have a good sense of humor and whether they know it or not, they are usually entertaining.. but don't expect them to clean your house if the opportunity to be outside is offered.... regardless of gender.

Geraldyne Page, Toulouse-Lautrec, Tina Turner


Capricorn(Dec 22-Jan 19)

Well Cappers, it's almost that birthday/xmas/new year present and resentment mess again.

There's little point in worrying about it.... maybe you could try buying Xmas presents for your friends and family and telling THEM that it's their birthday present as well. Try not to take it all so seriously, though...

after all look what happened to Michel de Nostradomus


Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Aquarians are the bringers of newness, the forerunners of springtime in the natural exhale of the year's seasons. They are the glimpse of optimism through the winter gloom and the reason why we all get up in our annual morning.

Revolutionaries and inventors, cliff-climbers and teachers... the curious and downright nosiest of signs.

If you can keep up... string along for the ride.


Pisces (Feb 19-March 20)

Even more than Aquarians, the fishes see only the best in all things and persons.... not exactly gullible, or really even naive... but rather keenly cheerful, sometimes to a fault and often to their own detriment.

It would be wonderful to be able to see the world through their glasses, permanently almost full to the brim and overflowing, but truthfully they're ninnies to have to be around because they are simply not the sense that we all know it.

Cute as rabbit eyelashes but difficult to fit into your real life. Then again, maybe your real life needs someone with a slightly more pleasant viewpoint of the cosmos.

Oh, I don't know... it would be a lot easier to write this stuff if they'd just quit smiling at me.

Elizabeth Taylor, Doctor Seuss



Aries (March 21-April 19)

The UK labour Party has brought another circus to town, Bush is promising peace in the Middle East within a year (just AFTER the next election).

England gets it's buttwhipped by Croatia and Amy Wine-o whips up a boo-fest or several. (another Virgo creates havoc)


Just wait 'til they get started.



Taurus (April 20-May 20)

It's a terrible time for Taureans... the annual inner battle brought on by the need to be seen to be generous to those near and dear as opposed to the overwhelming natural tendency to save and protect their savings. It's a no-win situation at gift time for the thick-skinned and headed Spring children.

and they never get used to it..

amazing.... huh?


Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Okay twins, quit the squabbling and get ready for yet another year..

eat well, catch up on sleep and prepare to hit the ground running

08 is gonna be GREAT for Gemmies - if they can figure out how to share and play nice.


Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Cancers need to be needed, want to be wanted, desire to be desired...not in some strange egotistical way like leo or the ram, but in a much more intrinsic manner. They become mandatory because they make themselves absolutely necessary.

We love them because we have to.


Leo (July 23-Aug 22)

Ah me, I just love Leo's.. I certainly shouldn't since they have a tendancy to wreck my life everytime they get the opportunity. They don't MEAN to...they're TRYING to help, after all.

So, for once Leos dearest of my life, focus your energies elsewhere




Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)

Somewhere along the line, Virgo's took over the world. They were quiet and unseen and told no-one of their plans. But I bet you know one or two and have wondered how they get away with it all.

I, sadly, am not allowed to tell you of their plans. but beware and don't WHATEVER YOU DO get a haircut on Thursday.

That's all I'm allowed to say.


Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)

Libras are the "Doc" of astrological signs.. like Doc is always the forgotten of the seven dwarfs, most people can name eleven of the signs and the one most often forgotten is... well, guess.

It's a shame really, it's not because they don't count, it's because they DO count... it's Libras that run the world for their Virgo masters and mistresses who could barely manage to file their own nails without assistance.

Sylvia Kars, Lech Walesa, James Earl Carter

If ya don't like these Horoscopes... try some old ones here.

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