Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Right .. despite the terrorists, lost luggage, super carry-on security, child kidnappers, overseas floods, fires, storms, pestilence, bad food, rude service-people, misplaced brits, strange customs and the inevitable airport queues....the hardy and somewhat immovable Taureans are packing their knotted headkerchiefs and bustling on down to their over-itinerised holidays..dragging their protesting loved ones with them... wish 'em luck, everyone.

 

 

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Never one to rest on the past, the twins are hell-bent for leather to race ahead of the craziness and plot the path for the future.. if only they'd stop talking about it so much.... are ya listening Dylan?

 

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Mike Tyson, Princess Diana, Courtney Love, Julius Ceasar...

insecure people who aim to overcome the fear of failure by attempting the impossible...

so this is your chance Cancers, find a windmill to tilt at

you have nothing to fear but.. ..

well, you know the rest,, it was probably written by a Cancer.

 

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)

Behind the controlling disfunctional arrogance and the insistence on ruling us all, there beats a heart of savage kindness and a soul with oceanic depths.. but don't let them hear you talk about it.

 

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)

There is an overwhelming niceness about Virgo, generally expressed in the most pleasant of fashions. They are kind, sensitive and caring almost to a fault.. they are beautiful, graceful and smart as a whip and they.......

oh good, she's left the room... ignore most of what I just typed.. it's almost all true but you'd be better off to ignore it anyway.

 

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)

Clean and tidy with a tendency to overeat... but frighteningly intelligent and generally funny... these are the people that we want to be in power... vote for 'em, support their every whim.. how bad can it be?

Linda McCartney, Gershwin, Madelaine Kahn and Groucho...

 

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)

Picasso, John Cleese, Hilary Clinton..... deep passions, quiet but wide awake..

it's not the sting that gets ya, it's the hypnosis..

love 'em hard but careful.

 

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)

Always searching, never finding, restless and nestless... poor frustrated Saggies. Their Nirvana is always a Sysiphus-stone away... but they love the challenge and they're fascinating to watch and watch over.

Jamie Lee, Harpo, Churchill, Hendrix... gotta love 'em right?

 

Capricorn(Dec 22-Jan 19)

Constantly torn between work and the salvation of the soul, twisting in the winds of Zen materialism, some of the most convoluted and entertaining of all signs and characters, the Cappies are the curios of civilization, intrinsically valuable although not always overly functional.

Nostradamus, Howard Hughes, Annie Lennox, Carl Sandberg, Elvis...

 

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Inventers, explorers, complainers, triers, moaners.. good to spend your life with, bad for a long journey in a small vehicle.

 

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20)

Dreamers, interior-minded, humble optimists.. Pisciens, like the fishes, live somewhere else entirely.. in another worlds which we can only occasionally glimpse.... but it's such a wonderful world that who can blame 'em, eh?

George Harrison, Copernicus, Docter Seuss.

 

 

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Stressed out enthusiasts for damnnear everything... movers, shakers, spillers and droppers...

but never ever ever afraid to try again...

Always good to have an Arien in your circle, just remember that he/she will view it as their circle, with you in it.

best friends, cute as puppies and easy to fool...

Kurosawa, Eric Idle, Sister Ree, Brando and Clapton

helluva band, eh?...

 

If ya don't like these Horoscopes... try some old ones here.

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